Review: Severance (SIFF 2007)

We've all seen at least one instance of the horror predator-stalks-prey movie genre, right? Movies like Saw or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or The Hills Have Eyes? Well, what would you get if you mixed that type of movie with a whole bunch of dry British humor and wit, and stirred it all around? Severance, that's what!

The gist of this dark-humored gorefest is that employees of Palisade, a less-than-ethical weapons manufacturer, decide to take a team-building retreat at some luxury lodge up in the woods. You've got the typical cast of characters: the optimistic boss, the undying loyalist, the slacker druggy, and a few other stereotypes to boot. As the crew makes their way up to the lodge, they come upon a fallen tree on the roadway. Because their stubborn Hungarian bus driver refuses to go on (and summarily abandons them), they decide to hike it to the lodge. Eventually, they find shelter, but it's not the lodge they were anticipating. Little things seem off (like, you know, the place is kind of a dump, and looks like an abandoned house, and it gives people bad dreams), but the optimistic manager convinces everyone to make the best of the situation and to stick with it.

Soon, things get weird. One of the employees finds files of Palisade staffers in the "lodge". A cover up of sorts tied to the weapons biz, perhaps? The employees also suspect the place used to be an asylum. And, one of the employees finds a meat pie, bakes it, and someone promptly finds a human tooth in it. Not weird enough for you? Well, soon after the employees catch wind that something is seriously wrong with the place, the cat-and-mouse game begins: some well-shadowed forces stalk, hunt, capture, and kill the employees one by one, hell-bent on not letting them escape.

I liked that this movie kept presenting scenes of horror and drama, with music blaring and tenses running high, before switching to a bit of comedy to lighten the mood and remind people that this is a horror flick with a funny bone that's not to be taken seriously. And when the funny bone has a British sense of with to it, that makes it all the more hilarious.

Overall rating: 7.0/10.0

Details:
Runtime: 90m
Countries: Germany / United Kingdom
Languages: English / Hungarian / Russian

Vosges Creates Bacon Chocolate

It's a Southerner's dream come true: applewood smoked bacon, chocolate, and a bit of alder smoked salt come together in Vosges new Bacon Chocolate Bar.

Before any non-believers start scoffing at this marriage of flavors, consider this: have you had bacon on a plate with maple syrup that's spilled onto it from the pancakes? Not bad, right? Or better yet, have you ever had bacon pancakes? Delectable. And I predict this bar will be just as tasty.

The Whole Foods near us carries Vosges; I wonder whether they have this particular bar in stock. If not, there's always mail order, though I do worry about melted chocolate in the summer.

Review: Them (SIFF 2007)

Them (Ils in French) is one of a new crop of horror and thriller movies coming out of France. And, like many of its predecessors, it doesn't fail to please those looking to get a rise in their blood pressure and finger marks on their neighbor's arm.

Them is light on character development, offering just enough to structure a premise for the plot. We encounter a young woman who's a French teacher in a school in Romania. We see her partner is a writer. They live in a big, old house in the middle of nowhere. She comes home, they have dinner, and they turn in for the night. Darkness descends over the forest surrounding their home. A perfect setup to a horror flick, right?

Soon, strange things begin to occur. A prank phone call gets them out of bed. Strange sounds raise their concerns. And, pretty soon, they fear that something is inside their house. They soon find out that they are right.

The real success of Them is that it doesn't try to shock you by portraying a lot of blood and gore. Instead, it puts you in the scene, right next to the main characters who are part of this cat-and-mouse affair, with very little knowledge of who "they" are and what "they" want. Are they people? Is it a paranormal force? Aliens? At the onset, you're not quite sure.

As the movie progresses, the true nature of the predator becomes known. But by then, a different fear takes hold, and the movie leaves you with a lasting suspense: you see that what the characters just went through is not out of this world, and is something that could indeed happen in real life.

Overall rating: 8.5 /10.0

Details:
Runtime: 77m
Country: French
Language: French, Romanian

You Know There's A Holiday Weekend Coming When...

...traffic at 8:30 in the morning is this light.

The New Yorker On A Piece Of Fallible Hardware

Almost every issue of The New Yorker now comes with an advertisement for the Complete New Yorker. You know, that deal where you can get all the issues in digital form on DVD since 1925? Well, I noticed recently that they offer the same deal on an external hard drive.

I think The New Yorker is pitching this for the following people:

• Those that have a computer, portable or otherwise, that is used offline.
• Those that want random access to any issue in the catalog.
• Those willing to cart around a fallible piece of hardware that stores their expensive content.
  

Hey, New Yorker, why not provide this as a service? So:

• You pay some monthly subscription (maybe on top of the magazine price).
• You have online access to the same digital catalog, via your web browser.
• If you expect to be offline, you can download some set of issues to read, with some time-based expiration to prevent people carting away the content without paying the subscription.
  

Minus the cost aspect, libraries do this with e-books today. Someone hosts the content (and maintains it, and backs it up, and all that). And I consume it. All this without having to cart around a hard drive (or a set of DVDs for that matter).

Still, I wonder how this is selling. Maybe I should package some blog posts on a limited edition collector's hard drive with my signature etched on the case?

SIFF 2007

Ah yes, the first holiday weekend of the warm weather months is here: Memorial Day. And what do Seattleites do? Do they barbeque? Do they spend time in the park? How about a nice walk on the beach? No! They rush inside and watch movies, away from the scary rays of the sun!

That's right, it's time again for the Seattle International Film Festival. This year we're watching about 9 movies (I know, a bit more conservative than years past). And, as usual, I'll post my reviews. The fun begins tomorrow night!

Rental Insanity

People talk about the inflated house prices out here on the West coast. There's even a blog devoted to the proposed Seattle Bubble. But sometimes you run into a rental that's offered at just as insane a price as some of the houses around here. Here's one example.

From the Craigslist post advertising the unit:

This may be the most unique apartment on Capitol Hill. It features, 18ft ceilings, modern/industrial design, large living room and bedroom, full bathroom, open style kitchen, nicely redone concrete floors and loads of charm. This is a nice private unit that has its own entrance... Located on Bellevue Ave and Harrison it's just a short walk to Broadway, Downtown, and South Lake Union...and everything you could possibly need.

Ah, a master of spin! Everything in the description, and the photos to boot, is accurate. Here's the reality:

• This is a small apartment. It's a studio, after all. It's really not that big.
• The unit was created out of an existing storage/laundry space. As a result, there's not a lot of natural light in the place.
  
• The apartment has a street-level entry door that faces a street that dead ends and leads to an alley.
• This is a street that has witnessed crime, including gun violence, in the past year.
  
• The door to the apartment has a glass face.
• The place is being offered for nearly $1500

So what we're talking about here is a small, dark studio apartment with a glass-faced door that people can peer into, that leads out to a street that you may not want to be hanging around on at around 3AM. All for the low low price of $1500! What a steal!

What else can you get for $1500 on Capitol Hill? A nice 2-bedroom apartment, easy. That very same building has decent-sized 1 bedrooms, without the needless street-level entry, for just over $1000.

At least the market has been honest with this one: it's been available for rent for many months now, with no takers. Serves the owner right: this is an insane offer.

Signs It's Spring-Like In Seattle

You know Seattle's coming out of winter hibernation when there's outdoor festivals and fairs and such. For example, the University District Street Fair is this weekend. And, as of Saturday morning, it's actually sunny! Quick, get out there before it rains!

License To Abridge

I came across Compact Classics today, modern life's apparent answer to the lack of time to read classic novels. From the sales copy:

WHAT ARE COMPACT EDITIONS? Compact Editions are some of the greatest books ever written, but they have been sympathetically edited so that most of them are under 400 pages. They retain all the elements of the originals: the plot, the characters, the social, historical and local backgrounds and the authors' language and style. The reductions in length have been done with sensitivity and in no way detract from the spirit of the original.

Whoa, hold on. These are classics like David Copperfield, Jane Eyre, and Moby Dick. Sure, they're not the shortest of books. But chopping them down to make them sellable to people to busy for them? Well, I don't buy it. I don't care how "sympathetic" the edits are. They're edits. They're changes to the original work, done by someone who's not the author. That means you're not reading the original book.

What's next? A version of Mahler's Ring cycle cut down to just a few arias for each opera? Movies edited to just the action scenes?

I'm all about making things easier or more efficient. But I draw the line when it comes to art.

A Night At The Museum

When the Seattle Art Museum was finally ready to reopen after finishing its newly-expanded facility, what more Seattle-y way to celebrate than to stay open 35 hours straight, bring over some performers and DJs, and open the museum for all, for free? That's indeed what they did, and people (including a group of us) turned out in droves.

We showed up around 11pm and there were a ton of people there. The old, the young, the conservative, the punk, the extroverts and the introverts all came out to see the new museum. Sounds like nerdy way to spend a Saturday night? Not really - it felt more like a party someone threw in a big, big house with a lot of art. And music. And dancing.

The main floor opens up to a large entry area featuring a large piece of art that includes cars and flashing streams of light (yeah, you kinda have to see it for yourself). From there, there's a shop and restaurant on the bottom floor, and two floors of art upstairs.

As for the art, there's a bit of everything. Classical Greek sculpture, Chinese landscapes, Native American woodworking, Renaissance portraits, and quite a bit of contemporary art (including a Pollock and a Warhol). The new space affords some mixture of media which not only allows for things like video installations, but also lets one, say, observe Native American art while viewing a documentary on the artists.

We spent about two hours there and felt like we had looked at everything, but not really studied it. But after a while, our feet were tired, and watching others groove to the beat was wearing us out, so we decided to go to a neighborhood bar and grab a beer.

Thumbs up to SAM - great job with the new space. We'll be returning soon.