Seattle Voting Guide: A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Votes

Recently, The Believer published short book reviews based on one sentence selected at random from the book in question. Why limit this system to book reviews? What if we, say, look at people's pictures published in election guides, and use those to decide who to vote for? Great idea!

King County Executive
Both Ron Sims and David Irons look friendly enough, almost to the point of being neighborly. But, I don't know; being the Executive of King County requires more charisma. A higher level of poise and self-assurance, perhaps. An ability to enchant someone into going your way, one could say. That's why my vote goes with Gentry Lange. He's got that movie-star look of confidence, and that ability to hold your gaze while he tells you about his policy ideas on voting transparency. Pretty soon you'll forget what the topic at hand is, while you instead compliment Gentry on his well-tailored look.

Sheriff
Sheriffs are supposed to keep the peace. Most sheriffs I've seen (well, technically, they're Rangers) wear cowboy hats. Walker is a great example (played by that tirelessly obtuse actor, Chuck Norris). Now, who would look better in a cowboy hat, keeping the peace in King County? Sue Rahr, hands down. Greg Schmidt looks a bit too much like a television evangelist to garner my vote.

King County Council - District 1
Gosh, this is a tough one. Both Bob Ferguson and Steven Pyeatt look like high school science teachers. On that metric, I think Bob wins out on the techy/nerdy look. We need someone familiar with quarks on the council, after all.

King County Council - District 2
Larry Gossett is the clear winner in this photo race. He looks like a guy as comfortable sitting on the council deciding on policy as he does sitting in your backyard, enjoying a beer at a cookout. Brian Thomas looks downright angry at you, and Morgan Catha looks like he's fifteen.

King County Council - District 3
Well, Kathy Lambert is running unopposed. I think that's why she looks so happy. And confident. I mean, talk about the comfort of knowing that you're pretty much guaranteed another term. Has to be nice.

King County Council - District 4
Wow, more happiness here. Both Larry Phillips and Ed Pottharst are just so happy to have the chance to be elected. This is a toughie...can I vote for Kathy again?

King County Council - District 8
Ah! A competitor to Kathy's happiness - John Potter. So, my first impression of Dow Constantine is he has the slick and finesse of a lawyer (indeed, he received a law degree from UW). That may serve him well in front of a jury, convincing people that it wasn't actually the defendant, dressed in a chicken costume, who robbed that convenience store while doing the chicken dance. But this King County Council spot needs someone a bit more casual. More friendly. More "chummy". Thankfully, John Potter fills that role quite well. I mean, c'mon: he's bursting with happiness and is ready to buy you and your kid a present for Christmas just for you considering a vote for him.

King County Council - District 9
While I admit my first inclination was to vote for Reagan Dunn (so much finesse!), on second glance he looks a little too polished. District 9 needs someone who isn't afraid to get in there and get his or her hands dirty. Shirley A. Gaunt-Smith's got the edge here. Reagan's suit is just too clean.

Port of Seattle - Commissioner - Positions 1, 3, and 4
If you're a Port Commissioner, you better have some sea legs. A sailor's life have ye, maybe with a tinge of pirate, to be able to control what comes in and what goes out of our ports. To that effect, Lawrence Molloy trumps John Creighton, Richard "Rich" Berkowitz beats Lloyd Hara (nice mustache, Rich!), and Patricia "Pat" Davis is ahead of Jack Jolley (I'll give you that Pat needs a sailor's hat to complete the image).

City of Seattle - Mayor
Al Runte has that laser-like, no-BS look in his eye. Like a hungry tiger, he's ready to pounce on the issues facing Seattle and tackle them to the ground. To Al, Greg Nickels must look like a gazelle.

City of Seattle - City Attorney
Come on, Tom Carr. Could you find no other lawyer in Seattle to spar with on the field of election battle? This is why you look so bored. Stop dealing with the issues and start looking for an opponent!

Federal Way Fire Department - Commissioner - Position 1
Mark L. Thompson. I'm severely disappointed in you. Much more so than Tom Carr, see. You couldn't find one picture to submit to the election guide? What gives? I'm writing myself in for this one, despite the fact I don't live in Federal Way.

Seattle Popular Monorail Authority - Board Member - Position 8
The Monorail is in trouble. If voters pass the revised plan, we'll need someone intimately familiar with all facets of the project to make progress. Cindi Laws looks decent enough...but wait, there's something about Beth Goldberg.... Ah! She's outdoors, which is exactly where the monorail will be! Beth is in her natural element here; she has to know what's she's doing with stuff that's out of doors.

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You know, on a serious note, I bet these images actually do play a part in how people vote. If that's true, that's sad. Read up on your candidates and go vote, people.